SCREAM 3 is over|Friday, April 28, 2006
ok ok...the last time i blogged was....oh gosh. it was last wednesday!so long ago!!!haha! ok ok. i m exaggerating. hehe. sighz. if only i am able to juggle my time. den i can make sure i can blog each night. because..a lot of thoughts went through my mind for the past two days and i feel that it is such a waste i didnt blog. sighz. you guys must be wondering why i must blog and blog and blog. sighz. i got a sickness, remember? dun blog, and i would feel that too many things are bottled up in me and i think i will just explode. and i dun think the world would be a great place to live in after that. anyway...yes. 4 papers down and 1 last one to go. and thats Population Geography. well...it is one of the modules i like this semester. but i didnt do too well for the mid-term though. trying to be smart and i ended up misreading the essay question. i could have badly failed it but thank god i didnt. yup...unlike some of my friends who have gone through this sem with more pleasant grades, i am feeling a bit on the flipside this semester. but yeah. i m going to pull through, man... i shall mug hard for it. and i shall end this semester with a BANG. with a POP (no pun intended). *hopeful smiles*first up, my lit paper was alright. alhamdullillah! and yes. thank God i watched through Scream 3 the night before. and it came out for the compulsory question. i like doing lit essays. it makes me appreciate...WORDS. words are damn powerful. and makes me notice advertisements and make me more critical towards them. anyway...i got more important things to talk about.u noe something... i hate chaos. i hate loud noises. i hate people screaming. i hate shoutings. when these irregularities happen...i can just cry all of a sudden. though the screamings dont concern me. i get disturbed. i get perturbed. i just...dont like such things. but too bad. i live with it. and my heart feels uneasy. because...i dun believe in making other people's lives miserable. really. i dun like to scold pple...and on the occasions i do...i always justify on the spot. i dun scream at pple. i never do. except on one occasion. the incident that happen when i was in JC. but yeah...that was the past. or is it?to those of you who feel that being the eldest child is good...well...mayb. but i hope you would take the chance to think through it again. and please do. it is not simple to be a child. the eldest child...but one shud realise tt it is not easy being a parent either. but for the parent part...i shall talk about it some other day. sometimes...i dunno where i belong. i dunno if i ever have an identity of my own. i dunno if i have a dream or a goal to look forward to. *maybe i do. for one thing i am VERY certain of, is the fact that firstly,i want to immerse myself IN knowledge. Secondly, I want to teach and deal with children and youths. and lastly, I want to get married, have children and have a family. and i m not shy to say these things outright. many of my life goals have altered. but these 3 have been rather unchanging so far.*and being the eldest, many expectations are being thrown upon you. it has become an obligation for you to accept it. (or is it? i dunno). i feel sad at times. when history becomes the present. and to realise that if if dun say or do certain things, history and the present will become the FUTURE if people are not willing to change and expect people to change themselves for them. i hate it when people say..."its ok...sooner or later you will find out."i hate it when people leave it to Fate and didnt put in an effort to make the situation better. sometimes people tell me...that i have to wait for the right time. BUT WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME? HOW WUD I KNOW IT IS eventually THE RIGHT TIME? sigh. i dunno. i set the example and the standards as the eldest child. to which i feel...it is not fair for my siblings. they have to match up to my achievements. parents will always say this "look at your (successful) siblings. you should take him/her as your role model. try and beat his/her scores.". i feel sad. sad because....siblings are always...oppressed to perform in a certain way. i noe my brothers well. i noe there are some things they are great at. they share with me lots of things. lots. till...i felt even sadder. that it is only with me that they share things with. especially the teenage one. i dun want them to be like me. i dun want them to achieve success just because they epitomise me as what SUCCESS seems to be. but no. if ever they do that and i find that out one day...i will be the saddest person on earth. i want them to learn that...they should each seek success THEIR OWN WAY. please do...be strong guys. please head your dreams. raffles girls school..raffles institution...whatever. you are you. the school is just a socialisation institution. neighbourhood schools also churn out people of great character. society now wants not only your brains. they want more of your HEART. and sometimes...adults, or parents, or guardians...just dont realise the importance of the child's heart...i believe...we should let them run and play...and swim and jump....and dance and sing...yes. they seem to be meaningless activities, especially if the meaning of 'meaningful' = an activity will become as such only when it helps to positively contribute to just the students' SCHOOL GRADES. i dunno about you guys out there. but i feel for my siblings. but i dunno how to help them get out of this social stigma...in which i sometimes participate in...(guiltily)...
* spoken&willspeakagain*
9:18 PM
