do we not sometimes wonder why we are WHERE we are...?
i think this question would suffice. if i was asked to reflect on my Mt Ophir trip last weekend. i have to admit that there are a couple of times in my life where i have questioned my exact latitudes on this earthly globe.
why was i posted to RGS as my secondary sch? why was i elected a prefect? why did i not do well enough to proceed to raffles jc? why then national? why do i have to face these particular family problems? why does my dad has to go to
and why...despite my highly meagre fitness level...was i at the summit of
I have no answers to these questions. i used to strive hard, to get answers. because i THOUGHT, getting answers would mean that life, at that point in time, is somehow...comprehensible and .... complete. but now, i think i should not be trying too hard. should not be trying too hard to look for answers. when we were doing our last round of words, kak huda said this...that we *ALL in XPDC* are specially chosen by Allah swt, to experience the trip. i accept that EXPERIENCE, in its wholesome meaning, is totally altruistic, personal and individual.
i do not think that anyone else feel like how i felt up there. i was clearly unfit, physically not ready and mentally unprepared. my having to go through the FIRST FOUR checkpoints to only the BASE CAMP, was an experience so horrendous. and here i am speaking straight from the bottom of my heart. i've never felt so anxious and so scared. and do you know what i was scared of? i was scared of FATIGUE. it reminded me of my first 1.6km run in primary sch. yup. it was scary then. knowing that half my class was sportsmen. the ranger mentioned that we had to first go through 600 STEPS! and later go through a terrain called BUKIT SEMPUT. the names are DID more than enough JUSTICE in making my stomach SHRINK. and we each had our bag packs. i did not know how heavy it was but it took a toll on my back. when i reached my second checkpoint...i teared a bit ah. i just did not know how to push myself on. i was scared. for the first time...i had cramps in my right thigh. that was the call. thank god we were nearby the base camp already. thanks to nurul...who helped me out tremendously...and thanks to harun, who help me carry the bag a while. and also...to the people around...the brothers and the sisters... alhamdulillah...
once i was at base camp...i noe that there was no other way except to go UP and to go ON...no matter what happens. i still made it up there. but the journey from base camp onwards was no less treacherous...but it was more interesting. we had to climb into Gua Kambing.....Rocks and Cliffs...and there is this thing called the KFC *Killer for Climbers*….and the summit, it was definitely breathtaking. LITERALLY! Because the winds were so strong that if I was not heavy enough, it could have helped me in walking gracefully down the cliff. For once. AM I not proud of my weight. Haha! But then of course, the journey DOWN from the summit, and also back from base camp to the foot was rather DAMPENING. No no…dampening is a mild description. It was DRENCHING. Bad weather. Slippery slopes. Blurred vision. River held massive amounts of water. Heavy branches fell from trees above. Need I say more?
i just cant say anything more about the trip. As nurul said, a trip to the summit and back down again can never be even almost similar to a previous trip or a future one. Each one is different. Each one is unique. Each one is…special.
I am not sure why I was up there. How I landed up there.
But I sure know that this particularly pleasantly painful experience has its purpose. Life lessons? Yup. certainly. It sure tests my Mental Strength. That is one thing I DID learn. It is always the Power of the Mind, which human beings always hardly put to the test. The PUSHING of PERSONAL boundaries. Not that now I would go around being a super woman. It is more of knowing that…the mind is a thing SO POWERFUL. To use it correctly. At the right place. At the right time. Insya’Allah.
Also, to ascertain myself of God’s presence. His Creation is…simply unspeakable. The immense forest. The Nothingness of the forest Darkness at Night….simply reduces you to…nothing. I’ve never felt so tiny in my life, imagining how MINUTE I am in the midst of the midnight forest darkness. How WEAK I am, if I were to be washed down by the massive waters in the river. And who was the one who said that Humans are conquerors?
But then again, when I look up at the STARS at night…it was simply beautiful. They are like many little angels looking at you from above. God’s Beauty…God’s Mercy…
He is always watching us…from a distance.
*Subhanallah!*
Web Cam, Mic, Headphones
Black Jeans
A part-time job in a bookstore
Increase CAP!!
Honours
21st Birthday
New Zealand