I’m not crazy I’m just a little unwell...
I know, right now you can’t tell…

Haha! Sigh. That song has been ringing in my head since a few days ago. And here is another song that is still buzzing. Here it goes.

Aku memang pencinta wanita, namun ku bukan buaya…
Yang setia pada seribu gadis... ku hanya mencintai dia…

Pencinta wanita = woman lover. Ok. That doesn’t make sense. And I do not think that I am making any sense at all myself. *laughs out loud at this meaningless post*

I am just trying to lighten up myself. I think my posts have been a tad too serious lately. Nothing that is too intellectually engaging. Just my non-sensical ramblings. No good thoughts. Just bouts of pessimism. It is not that life has been too depressing. It is just that, I am currently in confusion. Too many questions are unanswered around me. I know that a few entries ago, I’ve so-called promised that I would not be imposing questions on myself and demand answers. But you see, when there are so many uncertainties around you, you cant help but wonder if there is anything at all that you can do to make things right again. And now, I am wondering if I can be of much worth in this situation. And that explains the sparse sentences, dejected moods and problematic aura.

I watch a lot of TV lately. And on channel 5, there is this docudrama called ‘Against All Odds’, and it will soon feature a polio patient, who went ‘against all odds’ and really did achieve many things in his life… looking at the things he achieved, it was as if he didn’t suffer from polio in the first place. I know that there are many incapacitated people out there who did miraculous things. So at first glance, I thought that the docudrama would be rather clichéd and pretty much unexciting. But something he said really tugged my heart.

“(Because of polio) I began to focus on what I have, instead of what I do not have.”

Man. That sentence really made me think aloud. What have I been doing….trying to seek things that I THOUGHT I do not have? Have I been paying attention to the things that I HAVE, now…currently? Am I sure that those are the things I lack? Or is it just that… I just want MORE? How can one be sure that those are the things that one does not have enough of?

Lets transfer this concept to a much larger picture.

With the couple of disasters that occurred in our neighbouring countries…Malaysia with the floods, Indonesia with earthquakes and floods and lost aeroplanes…Taiwan with its 7.1 on the Richter Scale earthquake…people realize that it is only after these disasters that they know they are not ready for everything. You may think that the Internet is a very powerful tool nowadays. But once the earth shook, it almost ‘handicapped’ the whole world as the Internet went unstable. Do the world notice that there are forces MUCH LARGER? That can incapacitate us at any time, any minute? I had a chat with nurul. We were thinking…our neighbouring countries had had their share of disasters. Would it soon be our turn? Are we consciously waiting for it? Why are we waiting then? If we are consciously waiting, that means that we are expecting it. Why are we expecting it?

We are scared…aren’t we? Scared that if it happens to us, we do not know how to get ourselves out of it…right? Scared that we are not prepared enough… scared that we are not strong enough.

The matter of ‘inevitability’.

P.S: kak nur, i will pray for you to get well ok...you better eat all ur ubat. drink lots of water..

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