You may choose not to believe it but this did happen. I slept from 8pm last night till 9am this morning. I was just tired of my mind formulating administrative thoughts. I mean, it is not that I am not appreciating the ability of my mind to think. But I do think that I haven’t been thinking these past few days. Not the academic thinking kind. I have been…more of…trying to consolidate administrative thoughts instead of thinking. I was trying my best to think of how things should be done. I was thinking of steps. I was thinking of methods. Instead of coming up with new ideas and concepts and perspectives. And it is tiring ah. To think of steps one to ten. To look at things in order. To think of politics. To think of repercussions and implications. I mean. Why do I bother when I prefer chaos and the embracement of joyful things like reading, art & craft and nature walks? The calm and peace of the heart?
This week was a trying one. But of course, some things did turn out well, Alhamdulillah!
Like, remember I said I was quite vexed about my literature presentation en3241? I took one whole week trying to digest the contents and theories of Jacques Lacan… and am still trying to make sense of his run-on thoughts… and I gave a 2-page word document presentation which I took only about 2 minutes to present. *I realize that when I was presenting, I felt like I was a cikgu melayu, trying to teach my English students malay…in English.* haha! A side bit of a sidetrack there. Anyway…alhamdulillah! What I presented was relevant!! Yay! Thank God lah…if not, I could have proudly placed that instance into my long list of the most-embarassing-moments-of-my-life. My lecturer actually said “that was great!” haha! Phew. Even though I think she said that because before I presented, I told the class… “I took one week to digest the paper and I was struggling through it but this is what I think the paper was trying to tell me….” haha! There are some things that you should be honest about.
And…also earlier in the week on Monday, I had the RSI talk thingy. Alhamdulillah! That went well too. even though dealing with RSI for the past two weeks was very taxing. I got hold of Dr Hussein Mutalib right on the previous Friday at 4pm! God is great. So on Monday, I was expecting a bit of a crowd by the attendance was dismal. But thanks to Lendra who did call up his other friends, there was a good pool. There was me, ‘adilah, ridhwan, fadzuli, suriani, fairuz, afro and luqman (lendra’s friend) J. But the good thing is, we did have good malay speakers amongst us, and of course. All of them have “buah fikiran yang amat membangun”. I thought that the session was great and I was thinking…I think we should have a yearly radio forum with RSI on ANY topic that WE undergrads feel is crucial to think and talk about. We do not need to have frequent dialogues with community leaders or whatsoever. Just us, Malay/Muslim undergraduates and our Malay/Muslim professors. So that we can contribute our academic voices. I mean..i really really think that the voice of undergraduates is too soft. And to think that we are future leaders. Less of dialogues with MMOs / community leaders who sometimes have political agendas to put forth to us. But more of undergrads…speaking and sharing with other undergrads…to see where WE want to move our future generations. I mean…in future…can u see…WE WILL be working with each other again. The President of MUIS will be my friend. And so will the CEO of Mendaki. And the MP of Sembawang GRC. Or even the Principal of this particular secondary school. And the Head of Prison Officers, etc. or a well-received Ustaz. or the Director of a Theatre group in
anyway, I read a friend’s blog…and he mentions something about EMOTIONS make others more human. Man…I have got to agree with that and I think what he was saying make sense. Can you imagine, if everybody keep concealing their emotions, then you aren’t allowing the people around you to feel the emotions that they are capable of feeling. If no one shows Anger in the world, people wont get to learn what is anger all about. and that…how anger is necessary.
I am actually very angry. I am angry looking at how some things can be well prevented. But it just had to happen. I am angry. Looking at how some people can be so rude. I am sorry but I do not get how some people can spurt vulgarities, maybe unintentional or maybe very intentional, in front of strangers, people whom you do not know. At all. I am angry looking at how all one can do is complain and not think of ways to solve the problem. I am angry looking at how information and messages are not being transmitted well, when you have home phones, handphones, email, yahoogroups, and that most of the time, we are all always in school. I am angry because there is little teamwork. Or rather, that there is…but not much. Not enough to make sure things go well and fantabulous. Which step was it that I made was wrong? I want to rectify that quick… Before I leave.
I am angry because I am angry. I do not know how to scream and shout your heads off. I do not know how to scold you all. because I always thought that human beings make mistakes and that we are imperfect. Because when I am angry, I just kept quiet and observe where things went wrong. Because when I am angry, scolding make me even more tired. i’ve never outwardly show my anger before. And because of that, do not ever push me to that. because I will make a fool of myself. Being someone I am not..
Anyway…
There are good guys out there. I just found out.
Web Cam, Mic, Headphones
Black Jeans
A part-time job in a bookstore
Increase CAP!!
Honours
21st Birthday
New Zealand