|Wednesday, April 11, 2007
im just trying to put my life in perspective here.heck the people who thinks that blogs are just mere spaces of argumentative discourses and discursive lamenting rhetoric. pardon the nonsensical, irreducible jargon of arbitrary personal musings. beware.
i watched BABEL last...saturday on DVD. i dunno why. i just felt that i should just watch it. and despite the 2 or 3 stars review that it received from the Life movie review thingy, i think it was a great film. it simply surpasses the notion of world without borders and how everything signified in this world is being bounded by a chain. and endless chain. the political matters of the world do not just employ players who are leaders of nations, international institutions, governmental bodies. the seemingly-normal people in this world are players too and despite their seemingly minor roles in policy-making and all that nonsense, these 'minor' players are the ones who suffer the greatest implications. a wife almost dying is devoid of medical help due to the larger picture of feuds between two nations. problematic borders, which are political constructions by the way, almost led to the death of two children in the middle of the desert. and also, i like the fact that the movie really touches upon human intricacies. emotional labour of a mute female teenager. a pair of middle east brothers, entrapped with the political notion of terrorism, have regular threats of telling each other's secrets, jealousy because the younger is better than the elder one in shooting, involve themselves in childish games and despite all their differences...they are ultimately bonded by a strong brotherly love and care. it is a great movie. it epitomizes the random world, which is unbelievably inevitably connected through some invisible ties that exist and transcend all kinds of non-ephemeral geographical demarcations . what we sometimes deem as insignificant means a grave lot to people elsewhere. and to think there are arrogant selfish people out there who are simply ignorant and worship "the world is all about survival of the fittest" slogan. pls ah. get a grip.anyway, sighz. i was actually looking through my grades. all my grades that i have attained all these years i have been under the umbrella of the over-protective Ministry of Education. and i realized none of them... none of them is the result of SMARTNESS. those grades that i attained are grades for my hardworkingness. i m serious. i know that i am never the genius or the child prodigy or the gifted in class. i am only a mediocre student. most of the concepts i learn in schools, i only grasp them fully years later after i graduate. and now, it is the same thing that is happening in university. i love academic life. but i think that i can never be THAT good in it. i cannot visualize myself doing masters or PHd. i cant exactly come up with the most intriguing questions or the most provocative answers in class. i am never that great. i find that...for this semester,i learnt more outside the realm of the academic world. my grades are not that wonderful thus far. and surprisingly, though i am always complaining to friends about how i would not be able to go for honours and thus new zealand at the atrocious rate i have been going, i am actually abit startled to say that i am only slightly disheartened. or so i think. ergh. i think i am blinded. perpetually blinded by the fact that i keep THINKING that i can subvert all my bad grades and miraculously do WELL at the end of the day. i do not know. sighz. but you know...at the end of the week, what really perk me up is when i teach my tutees and also the lovely kids at northview pri. and you know when i am my happiest? it is when my students were so enthusiastic to show off to me that they understand what i have taught and that they want to do questions on the whiteboard. they actually RUSHED to the whiteboard. these are pri 6EM3 students, mind you. and sigh...it is so heartening to have them to tell me these..."Cher, i promise i do my homework today, when i get home." *smiles* "cher...why just now when i do well you didnt say im good?" *cheeky smile*"Cher...i understand already!!!! no need to explain.""Cher! i got the answer!""Cher. i plan my life already. i want to go secondary school. then go poly. then go JC. then go university." *so tell me. do i still need to do well in literature?*yeah. i do. and i shall try again and again...so what if my grades are mediocre.there is no harm in working hard. feeling stressed. feeling depressed. so what if the people around me are getting their above 4.0 CAP score. i'll do what i can. insya'Allah.
Labels: academic and tuition.
* spoken&willspeakagain*
3:51 PM
i watched BABEL last...saturday on DVD. i dunno why. i just felt that i should just watch it. and despite the 2 or 3 stars review that it received from the Life movie review thingy, i think it was a great film. it simply surpasses the notion of world without borders and how everything signified in this world is being bounded by a chain. and endless chain. the political matters of the world do not just employ players who are leaders of nations, international institutions, governmental bodies. the seemingly-normal people in this world are players too and despite their seemingly minor roles in policy-making and all that nonsense, these 'minor' players are the ones who suffer the greatest implications. a wife almost dying is devoid of medical help due to the larger picture of feuds between two nations. problematic borders, which are political constructions by the way, almost led to the death of two children in the middle of the desert. and also, i like the fact that the movie really touches upon human intricacies. emotional labour of a mute female teenager. a pair of middle east brothers, entrapped with the political notion of terrorism, have regular threats of telling each other's secrets, jealousy because the younger is better than the elder one in shooting, involve themselves in childish games and despite all their differences...they are ultimately bonded by a strong brotherly love and care. 
