Kabus Putih

Di atas kayangan
Di sebalik kesamaran kabus puti
Di sebalik belaian sinis bayu dingin
Hati kecil kian mengerdil
Hati kecil kian sayu
Hati kecil kian mendakap kesepian.

Berdiri tegak dikelilingi kabus putih
Dalam keadaan yang tiada kepastian
Mata menjadi kabur
Telinga menjadi hampir tuli
Suara seakan tersekat hilang
Kulit seakan tiada rasa
Pancaindera tidak boleh dipercayai lagi.

Tanda tanya menjadi sahabat karib
Ketika kabus putih selimuti tubuh
Fikiran menerawang
Hati tertanya-tanya
Hati semakin rancak
Berbicara dengan diri
Bertanyakan soalan yang ketiadaan jawapan
Bertuturkan kata-kata yang bermaksudkan samar.

Erti hidup.
Hembusan roh.
Sebelum.
Kemudian.
Alam dewasa.
Mati.
Syurga.

Berdiri tegak dikelilingi kabus putih
Keadaan semakin menokok kepastian
Mata menjadi terang
Telinga menjadi tajam
Suara pasti menjadi lantang
Kulit pasti merasa tepat
Hati kecil...kian yakin.

Kabus putih bagaikan teman
Mendakap tubuh, hati berdegup rapat.
Kabus putih bagaikan teman
Memimpin tangan, tiada ruang untuk angin selit antara ruas.
Kabus putih bagaikan teman
Merenung ke dalam mata, tenungan tajam menusuk ke hati.
Kabus putih bagaikan teman
Membisik manja di kuping telinga, kekata ikhlas berjanji Quran.

Aku inginkan kabus putih sebagai teman.
Ada seakan tiada.
Tiada seakan ada.
Kabus putih teman abadi.

It is now Sunday. 11.34 p.m. shall I say. that it is about slightly more than 24hrs to me turning 21. After three days of memorable camp. And one day of half-asleep work. And three days of holiday at kuala lumpur and genting highlands. I do not know what else to say in my blog. There are things that are burning in my chest, that I wish I could just blurt and rant it out endlessly to someone who is willing to listen. Haha! Hafie and nurul and possibly kamie (if she did manage to catch it) would have been able to recognize this particularly perky mood of mine. You can see prolific symptoms of this condition of mine by the frequency of the phrase ‘I am SO HAPPY!’ after my every few sentences of speech. Yeah. And reeza said she knows how I feel. And nurul is puking though she said she is kidding. And kamal thinks that the world will come to an end when two jiwang people meet. Oh well. What can I say.

Our paths happen to cross. It was all accidental to the human eye. And possibly fated in God’s hands. Our hearts never acknowledge. But I think our hearts just seem to know. Our eyes never met. But the glances are affirmative. The smiles are never for each other. But we just happen to notice they are meant to be exchanged. The words are never spoken. But they are loud enough to be heard. Time is thus short in reality. But in our world, Time seems to be waiting. Do not ask me what I just speak. For I do not know the words I am speaking except for the feelings that they are exuding. Do not ask me what the feelings are. For I do not know what feelings are these…

I have been doing quite a bit of thinking, reflections.

I have been pensive the past few days. Ever since I left for KL. Kept losing myself into calm whirlwinds of daze. Maybe this is just the feeling u will feel when u are about to turn 21. Tomr, I will share with you people the lists of things I have thought about…

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