RANDOM i think|Thursday, June 14, 2007
i've actually been wanting to do this. wanted to think through what i did the past year, since the day i had my last paper for second semester second year. but haha! work caught up with me and i am still caught entangled in the midst of work. so many things to do in the office but i cant seem to stop smiling foolishly to myself and be more efficient. but then again, thank God for the foolish smiles...at least i didnt fall asleep typing in a long list of CDC-referrals. *smiling foolishly again*Time is again up for us to define.and so i allow my year of events to begin in May 2006... let me just say. the past academic year had been memorable. memorable in its greatest sense, being full of memories. both desirable and not. with a bad start to the academic year, it suddenly dawned on me that all life stories are the same. i have always thought that i am this absolutely strong and invincible girl with a heart of steel that is able to withstand all tornadoes and sea storms. but i guess i am not that correct. a classic instance of me over-estimating the power i think i have. and so...i began my second year in university, crumbled. and crumbling. it was frequented with tears. every now and then, i cried. teared. fell into frequent relapses. full of questions that sounded as if i could not accept the fact that it happened. appeared strong on the outside and yet inside me was smashed to bits. i was a walking doll. seemingly smiling. but hollow. i think presidency has helped me. in more ways than one. it forced me to look up. look straight. and not look down and back. it was a struggle. a demystifying struggle to keep my emotions in check and impose onto myself the ultimate self-control. burdened with stress, too much planning and organizing blues, unsatisfactory commitment levels... i think it was... almost a solitary experience. I really do not know why God allow me to experience this stint...but i am thankful...because i think PBM has changed quite a bit. different exco has different challenges. and alhamdulillah. so far OUR challenges are manageable...and we are still going through them strongly. but slowly. a lot of things i have personally learnt. one of which is PATIENCE and PERSEVERANCE. but of course. the down times were trying. let me just fast forward. since it is past my bedtime. my aims for my 21st year in this world. i want to try and achieve something that is... immaterial...well.. results, money, etc.. are normal wishes. but for now, i want to love with all my heart. i want to erase evil.i want to be the person i want to be... free,responsible,calm,happy...i want to return to painting and drawing...nature, sea, land, skies...i want to smile. and smile. and keep on smiling...seekor ikan menjadi saksi.kabus putih.gerangan yang tiada bernama.love.
* spoken&willspeakagain*
10:41 PM
