yesterday, was one of my rare days at home.i was at home the whole day. and i was thinking...since i am going to start my 'school experience' next week and will only end on 26 July...(of which i really do not have any idea what it is going to be like.. if i am going to have a go at classroom teaching or if i am a mere observer or if i am going to do a project on the school or do surveys and all)...and since PBM is also still packed with stuffs...and since i am helping out with Marsiling Gala dinner video (and My Dear. you got to help. :))...and since my mendaki tuition and ALL the other tuitions will start rolling...

I might as well clean up my room.

and i started at ten am and ended at 630pm. i was shocked at the amount of rubbish i have to throw away! and the funny thing is, there is always so much to throw away everytime i spring clean my room and i wonder why i didnt throw it during the previous springclean! and ... you should have heard the multiple 100megawatt powerful sneezes that accompanied me throughout the whole ordeal. ok yes. the dust was horrible. so here is a few snapshots of some horrifying sights. and yes. to me, they are terrifying. bilik tak macam bilik.. more like.. bilik stor.






















but despite the sneezes, the itchiness and the teary redness of my eyes...i think cleaning up my room is therapeutic. and at the same time, beautifully memorable. there are certain things that i found which quickly perked up my mood for the day *because i miss him*. I found my old diaries. and i realized that my writings have not changed that much in terms of the degree of animation. and i realized that even then, my entries were very emotionally laden. a lot of tears. and a lot of secret getaways with THEN loved-one and a lot of unbearable domestic experiences. but after reading through again these pages... it suddenly dawned on me why some things are not meant to be. with all these memories, being embedded in the pages...i take those words which i was happy with and need...and i discard and erase those which were painful and scarring.

i think life is generally better now that i am getting older. like i say before, 21 may be just a number. but it is definitely better than 18. definitely better than 16. definitely better than 20. because..most importantly, my parents do notice that i am growing up. sometimes it takes a NUMBER to make people realized that their daughter is no longer the little smiley girl in a dainty frock who loves going down to the shops below to buy 'ding dang' and who simply loves notebooks and Enid Blyton's fantasical stories. i like the maturity which i am slowly gaining. i like the various life lessons that i am learning and understanding from each and everyone of you who passes my life and crosses my way. perhaps...the tears then are the smiles now. perhaps...the waiting and questioning is bearing fruit...perhaps.












and i came across my RGS class photo. haha! hey 408 eminence babes. what do you think? we all have changed physically, haven't we? more gorgeous! haha! i am serious ah!but we are still the same people inside. just a little more equipped with experience and love and ambition. and the black notebook was a birthday present from my best buddy in JC, Layz or Lay Pheng. She was a great friend inside out. and i miss her greatly. cant wait to meet her when school reopens. or maybe i should visit her at her ice cream parlour in Holland V. and the white one was my diary. and i remembered, i wrote from the last page, moving to the front. and yes. this 'anugerah cekal hati' which i got during PBMUKS Anugerah Appreciation last year. i do not know and do not understand why i was given that. haha! macam aku telah melalui segala onak dan duri, gunung dan badai. haha! but if there is one trait in life which i would like to carry throughout the course of my life, it is that of perseverance... Cekal Hati.












and so.. i ended up with a cleaner and a much neater room! i yearn for a nice comfy bed and my paintings and drawings to be hung up on the walls. and of course. picture(s) of loved one to fill up the empty spaces on my writing table. and do you know why I am excited to graduate from NUS and graduate from NIE in 3 years time (insya'Allah)...it is partly because I am damn excited to have my very own workspace in the teachers' staff room...if I am married...one part of the sideboard would be filled with beautiful pictures of my husband and my kids. with lots of colours and nice notes and wise words.

*smiles.smiles.smiles*

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