THE CLOSET|Friday, July 06, 2007
i have a closet. i think it is a big one. it is where i keep my stuff in. well you know. stuff.because my closet is damn deep ah. damn deep that even i can sleep in there. and no one can find me. my closet is my secret hiding place.i keep my stuff in there.stuff that i hide from the world. so that no one will find. and no one will know i keep stuff. those stuff. well you know. stuff.it is comfortable in the closet, you know. because i feel so safe. safe because people do not know.and then one day,i met a stranger.he is very kind. he is very nice.he knows what i am speaking even without me speaking. when i smile, he knows what i am smiling about. over the phone,he makes me smile alot.i tried to get angry with him. but then, he knows i am smiling through my pursed lips.he is very cute. i am very comfortable with him.i think i love him. he makes me a child again.he makes me free.he frees me from sadness.he makes me dream again. and he... allows me to love again. one day
he asked me if i have a closet.
and if i do,
he asked me if he can sit in it with me.
at first, i was scared.
no one knows about my closet.
i was wondering...how come he knows?
i feel scared. really very scared.
because...my closet is mine.
and the stuff i keep inside...is ugly.
really.
old dolls. old papers. old things. ugly things.
i don't know why i keep them.
but i keep them anyway.
but he said...
that it is ok. he wants to sit in the closet together with me.
i am scared you know.
what would he do if he sees my ugly things?
then i showed him my closet.
he asked me to sit in with him.
he pulled me in.
it was comfortable.
he made me face my fears again.
he assured me things will go ok...
things will be fine...
i m scared.
tears did not flow but i was really crying.
but he held my hand
and said, "it's ok. let clear your closet."
and so we cleared. together. but i think he noticed my drawers were locked. i ignored his gaze. hoping he wont ask me about it.while i glanced at his face, his eyes, his lips,in my heart...this is what i want to say..."dear...can you hold my hand...i am shivering with the key...dear...can you hold my hand...my fingers are frozen cold...dear...can you hold my hand...i am scared of what i may see...dear...can you hold my hand...can you open the drawer...with me...please?"
* spoken&willspeakagain*
2:05 PM
