JK0607 - WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS|Wednesday, August 22, 2007
20 August 2008 at 2100hrs.
It marked the end. And yet a beginning.
Dengan demikian, saya, Malyanah Mawar, selaku Presiden Persatuan Bahasa Melayu Universiti Kebangsaan Singapura, membubarkan Jawatankuasa bagi sesi 2006/2007.
I wondered. What was in the minds of my JK members when those words were uttered. I wondered. What was in the excited minds of the incoming JK members when those words were uttered. Now that I am picking up courage and looking back at those moments, I wondered. What was in the mind of mine.
Shall I be honest? Maybe I should.
Merely, emptiness filled the space. How ironic but how true. A year had just gone by. It fleeted its way through, just like you…sitting in the bus every single day and suddenly you realized that the tree that had been in front of your house was missing yesterday. Suddenly, I felt like I was in an…unusual state of mind. I could not decipher the thoughts that were whirling in my head. I neither forgot. Nor did I remember anything.
I am not lying. It was emptiness that filled the space. I had no slightest bit of idea, why I chose to run for president in the first place. Was it for selfish reasons? Popularity? Nah. I led a quiet entrance into NUS. No one knows who I am except for those whom I worked with. Prestige? Hmmm. But what for? It is only PBM. CCA points? Nah. I can’t afford to stay in Hall.
I think it was for experience. And about pushing my personal limits. I love Malay. Every single aspect of it. Language. Culture. People. Youth. Future. Its beauty and ugliness. I think at that time, I was like… “Hey Maly. You know you can make a difference. You know you are capable. Why not give it a shot? Contribute where you can. Be the difference.” I didn’t go into the interview room unprepared. I asked. My close friends. My colleagues. As usual, my parents were apprehensive. I go to university not for PBM. I go to study and graduate. They gave their blessings anyway. After much persuasion. And so I went for interview. And so I got the post.
I was apprehensive about my JK. I hardly knew most of them. Even my vice presidents. Faizal was my Vice-Seni Head. I was in Seni. But hardly talked to him. Kamal was my Vice-Persuratan Head. My Pesta Pantun event was under Siti. So I hardly talked to Kamal too. I only knew my ex-RGS schoolmates like Nurul, Hafie, Kamie and Baba. The rest, they were hi-and-bye friends. Hajar, Dayah, Zola, Diatch, Nisa, Ruz, Adilah, Ibnur, Atikk, Fez, Syikin, Fairuz. So there. I asked myself then. Where do I start. How do I start.
I didn’t know how we did it. But the ball started rolling. And it didn’t come to a stop till yesterday. Meetings and more meetings. With kamal faizal. With Gen Sect. Bank ‘dates’ with nurul. JK meetings. Sect meetings. Random event meetings. Meetings with patron. Meetings with outside organizations. Attendance at invited events. More and more iftars. Tag. Party-No-Joget. Salam Ukhuwah. Malam Pentas. Teroka Seni. Masih Ada Harapan. Pesta Pantun. Cakap Petah. Pesta Diari Maya. Charity Golf. Akudeta. Perkampungan Bahasa. FOC. BBQs. And more BBQs. Bakesale. Pentas Budaya. Matric Fair. Welcome Tea. Interviews. And more interviews. And AGM. All these and more and it all ended yesterday. And when it ended, it just seemed so…simple. Like it was all so easy.
But they did it all. My JK. And the various individuals who contributed to the many events we had. Each event was apt. Apt in the sense that we learnt what pendekatan was about. And we learnt about professionalism. We made mistakes. We learnt from them. I am proud to say. We have done it. We did it. The term had been a success. Alhamdulillah.
And you know yesterday, what was the greatest pride I had? Was when my JK members, teared. They realized it was already the end. The friendships that were forged. They each know each other so little in the beginning. And later. They became…great friends. And to me that was all that mattered. Frankly. That was all that mattered. It was not the misi and visi. We achieved that through the events. But more…it was my JK. Each and everyone of them grew. So so much. I didn’t do much. It was them who made it happen.
So, emptiness filled the space. You know why, because yesterday, I didn’t shed even a single tear. The tears just welled up in the sockets of my eyes and they remained there. I had no feelings. When AGM ended, all I wanted to do was to look for comfort. So I went to look for him. I didn’t know what the comfort was for but I knew that I needed it. So he said… “It is over. Now no more right?” and I said… “Why does it matter?” and he said “It may not matter to you. But it matters to your family.” And I understood why I felt so empty.
Somewhere out there, some people are just waiting for me to end it all. Maybe…I was looking forward to the end. But all for the reason that I did not wish it to be. I was in a hurry to end. And thus. I didn’t make the extra effort to prolong the end. I just…had to end it quickly. And before it is meant to end. And so, it ended. So quietly. So emptily.
But I want to thank each and every single one of you, who were by me all the time. My JK. My close friends. And all who gave their blessings. The experience was all worthwhile. But I wished…I had the ending I wanted.
*I went home from Mendaki tuition today with three, very beautiful, pleasant and well-mannered girls. They were just students from where I taught. I pray that when I grow up and finally get married, God will give my husband and me, beautiful, handsome, pleasant and well-mannered children. I have a soft spot for children, teenagers…because I feel that they are just so so special…*
* spoken&willspeakagain*
12:16 AM
