I have been blogging poetry the past few entries. I wondered why poetry for the past few days. I guess, poetry is written, when you have things to say and things to hide. You want to say the things that you wish to hide. You want people to know the things implicit that matter to you but at the same time, you want to keep them guessing. So that they only know partial truths. Half-truths.
Also, I think it is because immense fatigue was setting itself heavily in me. Not physical fatigue. It is the mental and emotional fatigue. Mental and emotional fatigue. No one would want to be in my shoes. No one would want to be in our shoes. Trust me. Even those of you, who have morbid and sadistic psychological inclinations, you wouldn’t want to be where we are now.
You know…I am just praying and praying things would go well in the end. When the end shall come, that I do not know. How the end shall be like, that I wish to know but I do not think God would want to finish this chapter that soon. So I am just going to keep on praying and praying. Like I have been doing for the past three months. But it is funny, you see. I can feel it that it would have a good end. A desirable end. But the thing is, it gets bleaker and bleaker by the day. It gets tougher and tougher by the day. The desirable end gets cloudy. But I know it is there and we will get there one day. I think it is like a lighthouse. It is there. But at the moment, the vision of it is being shrouded by dark clouds and heavy rains and striking lightning and growling thunders. When will the storm end…that I do not know… so like a child… I keep praying and praying that the storm would go away…
And I thought I could sing and dance already. But at the way things are looking now, sometimes I go through day by day…unexcited. And you all know me man. I can be so excited at the most mundane things. I realized that when I get unexcited, that is when I get tired, miserable and unhappy. I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to be jaded, tired and miserable. Tell me in the face that I am in self-delusion. But I know, I really know that life is worth looking forward to. At the moment, the end of the chapter seems bleak but I am feeling the goodness that is impending. Goodness will come. I trust myself. Even if I am the only one who believes in it…
You know what I did just now? I was watching High School Musical 1 with my youngest brother. I love that story. It teaches you to be who you are. If you actually feel that there is actually another side of you that is trying to break free, you are right. There is. When I tell people that I like to sing and dance, I really do. And there was this Dance-Along session, and I danced along, learning each step from TV and I actually danced in the living room with my youngest bro. Heck if I can do it well or not because I believe that with practice I can still be a star. And you… you believe I can be.
In High School Musical 1, there was this scene which I like most. It was the scene when Troy Bolton invited Gabriella to his hiding place, some garden at some roof. And then Gabriella said something along the lines of… "This is like kindergarten. When you can immediately be best friends because you are yourself.”
And dear, I am myself when I am with you. And you know it. Falling in love with you…is like falling in love in kindergarten. When you can immediately be best friends because…we are honest. With each other. And with ourselves. When we are not what people say we are… we are what we make ourselves to be. That is why we fall in love so quickly…and that is why we turn three today…love you…so much.
Web Cam, Mic, Headphones
Black Jeans
A part-time job in a bookstore
Increase CAP!!
Honours
21st Birthday
New Zealand